Topdeck: Vienna

“This means nothing to me, oh Vienna.” – Ultravox.

This classic 80s hit was funny the first time it was played on the coach as we started seeing signposts for the Austrian capital, but almost two hours of it on repeat as we sat in traffic just outside the city centre was enough to send even me, a hardened 80s fan, a little bit insane.

Upon arrival we went straight out to get a feel for the city.

First up was Schönbrunn Palace and its huge adjoining gardens.

Then we hung out with Mozart for a bit…

…and visited Heldenplatz, where Hitler announced his 1938 annexation of Austria into the Third Reich.

The next day, we visited the Vienna Natural History museum, where Al and I “met” Charles Darwin riding a turtle.

We then went to an even better museum – a schnapps museum! This was where I bought one of the stupidest souvenirs in history – a bottle of home-made schnapps with gold leaf inside. At the time I thought it was brilliant, original and that people would definitely drink it, but alas, after rolling around the bottom of my suitcase with all my dirty underwear for two weeks, it’s still sat in its presentation box on a shelf at home. The poor thing doesn’t even get touched during drinking games.

On our second, and last, night there we went for a few drinks at a beach bar with real sand and everything. When it came time to eat most people did the sensible thing and went round the corner to McDonalds. I, however, figured that it was silly not to try the food on offer at the bar. I ordered paella thinking I was being a lot more cultured and sophisticated than the barbarians that had gone for burgers – they definitely had the last laugh though when at 4 am I woke up suddenly, sat bolt-upright and threw the paella back up into the veranda of our tent.

The next morning I was accused of being a lightweight and everyone put it down to drink. The fact that after throwing up I’d casually gone for an early morning shave before going back to bed did nothing to help my case, but I’m certain it was down to the shellfish, not the sweet, trustworthy beer.

Next Stop: Auschwitz, Poland