The Beginner's Guide to Insanely Long Journeys

I've been on enough stupidly long journeys in the last few years to last a lifetime. Here are my dos and don't for long-haul travel as I prepare for my latest adventure in Japan.

1. You can have either a cheap flight or a convenient flight, never both.
If you've got money to burn then by all means get a nice, direct lunchtime flight, but if you're a bit strapped for cash like I usually am you should explore all the possibilities. I saved a whopping £100 on my return flight from Bremen to New York because I was willing to set off at 11pm from Bremen to London-Stansted, get two night buses to Heathrow, sleep on the terminal floor while spooning my suitcase, fly 11 hours to Miami and then wait there for 7 hours for a connecting flight to New York - BARGAIN.

2. Don't be that guy.
We've all been there. You're just settling into your seat for a long flight when the idiot in front of you decides he's going to recline and enjoy a nice little nap completely oblivious to the fact that he's just forced your knees up into your chin. You wouldn't want it to happen to you, so don't do it to someone else. Other common airborne faux pas to avoid are; falling asleep in the aisle seat, farting uncontrollably and picking your nose - I sat next to a guy who did all three of these things on a flight from Beijing to Kunming last year, he also spent a solid 20 minutes trying to hoover up his soup while his lips were a good inch away. He's now up there on my list of the world's worst people alongside Adolf Hitler and Bruno Mars.

3. Charge your phone, iPod, camera and kindle.
Plane journeys can be incredibly boring. If you're lucky you might be provided with a selection of the latest mediocre Hollywood blockbusters, if not then it's up to you to entertain yourself. A good book and a decent playlist can easily help kill a few hours as well as giving you an excuse not to talk to the fat American businessman who's dying to tell you his life story. When it comes to creating a travelling playlist I find that the more clichéd the better. I personally recommend the following: Leaving on a Jet Plane (John Denver), Learn to Fly (Foo Fighters), Around the World (Red Hot Chili Peppers), Getaway (Stereophonics) and Holiday (Weezer).

4. Make the most of your layovers.
Any time you're not on a plane is golden. Breathe the non-recycled oxygen, have a look around some shops or pay £10 for a shoddy fry-up in the airport café. Unfortunately a stop in an airport doesn't count as a visit to that city. I've talked to way too many people who claim to have been somewhere only to find out later that they never left the airport - it's like claiming you've slept with Megan Fox because you once brushed past her on the street - you might have been close, but you've never actually been inside.

5. Contemplate what you're actually doing.
Just think about it for a minute. You're travelling above the clouds in an elongated metal tube with wings at 500mph. Yes it's not the most comfortable experience you'll ever have, but it's still amazing. It took Marco Polo three years to get from Venice to Beijing, now you can do it in less than a day. Be thankful you were born in an age where all this is possible, and make the most of it regardless of where you're going.

Hong Kong: 12 Hours

Ever since watching the UK hand over control of Hong Kong back to China in 1997 I've always been curious as to what it must be like there. I'll admit, it wasn't at the top of my list of places to visit but thankfully I was presented with the perfect opportunity on my way back from China.

Coming home was always going to cost me a fair bit of money and after browsing the usual travel booking websites for what seemed like forever the best price I could find was about £400 (this included 2 changes and an 18 hour layover in Beijing airport which is a terrible, terrible place). Just out of curiosity I looked at travel from Hong Kong back to London and struck gold with a direct flight to Heathrow for £250 with Air New Zealand. I'd booked it within minutes and the only thing I ended up regretting was not allowing myself more time there.

After dropping my suitcase off at the hotel I immediately went out to explore and felt strangely at home after 4 weeks in the middle of China. At least 30% of the people there are Western but they seem as at home as everyone else and groups of friends were made up of both Asians and Europeans - a refreshing change and also proof that race really isn't an issue unless you make it one. The streets are still lined with shops selling noodles and other quintessentially Chinese things, but they're mixed in with convenience stores, other "normal" shops and real bars with real beer (something that I immediately took advantage of).

Hong Kong is an Asian city but it has a distinct British backbone. It's incredibly advanced, cleaner than mainland China and it has one of the most breathtaking urban landscapes I will ever see in my life. But I can't help but feel that this unique environment will be the next victim of the Chinese juggernaut. The taxi driver who took me back to my hotel told me how much happier people were while Hong Kong was still a British colony and how things had changed for the worse.

Legally, Hong Kong has to retain autonomy under China until 2047, but after some further reading it seems that only 15 years after the handover China is eroding said autonomy and attempting to transform Hong Kong into yet another dirty, miserable Chinese city instead of following its example; Mandarin is replacing the local Cantonese as the language used by politicians there, state TV and media is increasingly being used for pro-China propaganda and "Chinese Patriotism" classes are even being introduced in Hong Kong schools.

As much as I disagree with colonialism, it's surely the lesser of two evils when compared to China's brand of depressing, enforced communism, which I can say from experience is actually a relentlessly capitalist one party system.

Anyway, here are the few photos I took. If you get the chance I'd definitely recommend a visit!

A Hong Kong street with a famous red taxi.

Look! A clean, well maintained public space! A rarity in Kunming.

Two International Finance Centre

Central Hong Kong is full of designer shops.

A street with people relaxing and enjoying themselves. Fun and happiness will be strictly prohibited by 2047.

China: 1 Day Lost in Kunming

My goal for today was to explore and get to know a bit of Kunming. My original idea was to just hop on the bus to the city centre and have a bit of a nosey around like I would in any normal European city. For some reason the fact that I was in the middle of China had slipped my mind - there is no proper city centre.

I was out for a grand total of 6 hours, I was lost for approximately 5 and a half of those hours. I did get some nice snaps though!

I stumbled across this market pretty early on. I would have gone in but I had my phone and wallet on me...

This was Green Lake Park. I managed to get a taxi there by pointing at a picture in my guidebook.

No prizes for guessing why it's called Green Lake Park...

Park entrance.

After spending a good half hour walking in a crowd and being a foot taller than everyone I found a place called "The French Café". The staff weren't French, neither was the food, but I did spy my first Westerner outside of school.

From what I could tell this was some kind of art gallery.

One of the many streets I was lost down.

No matter how far you go you can never escape Starbucks.

A shopping centre?

The Chinese translates directly as "Federal Ministry for Keeping Dale Silk out of China."

Good to see the Chinese have a sense of humour.

I'll be honest, I don't know what this was.

Pagoda with shops.

Another street.

A lovely gate. I was shattered by this time and needed to find a taxi quick.

A "genuine" Apple store.There's one on pretty much every street.

Shortly after taking this picture I managed to hail a taxi. He didn't drop me off where I wanted to be, but I can't really argue considering I speak hardly any Chinese so I just walked. Now I'm all dusty and my legs hurt. 

China: First Impressions

I’m writing this on Sunday night. It won’t be posted until tomorrow morning though because I’ve not got the internet hooked up in my flat yet. It’s proving quite hard to communicate with people without it – luckily, cheap, knock-off DVDs only cost a pound here so I’m not just sat staring at the wall.

I’ve not really had a lot of chance to explore Kunming outside of the little neighbourhood that I’m living in yet; partly because I’ve been busy sorting things out and hunting down my suitcase and partly because the roads here are bat-shit crazy. I’ve already seen one minor crash and although there are traffic lights and zebra crossings I’m yet to see anyone pay any attention to them. Get public transport instead you say? Of the few busses I’ve seen most have been packed tighter than Matt’s wallet and even if I could get on a bus, I have no idea where to get off yet!

I did manage to venture to the supermarket the other day and discovered that pretty much everything I’d heard about prices in China was true. Almost everything is dirt cheap, even Western brands. A bottle of Coke will set you back 25 Yuan (equivalent to 25p) and Rola Cola is even cheaper. I managed to buy a load of new appliances, towels, a mop, pans, cutlery, stationary, food and drink and countless other things for less that 1,000 Yuan (£100). Surprisingly the fact that I can speak about 10 words of Chinese didn’t help me much when I knocked a plate off a shelf. The arm waving and pointing stopped when they were given the money for it. Money talks, eh?

The people I’m working with are all very friendly, but I think the locals need some time to adjust to the sight of another foreigner every day; most of them stare, I’ve even had some pointing and giggling from a group of teenage girls. Thankfully I’m used to it from my time as a teenage heart-throb at school…

Apart from my apartment, I’ve been spending a fair bit of time at work. The school caters for kids whose parents want them to learn English after school or at the weekend so I’ll have a lot of free time during weekdays. The average class size is about 5 which is tiny, especially when compared to the average Chinese class size of about 50 (say what you want about the Chinese, they sure know how to reproduce). The school moved into new premises this year so everything’s relatively new (pictures below).

Oh and I was reunited with my suitcase this morning after a long wait. Its contents weren’t quite as exciting as I’d built them up to be, I had to take most of the cool stuff out to get the weight down, but still, I now have more than 1 t-shirt and more underwear than you can shake a stick at. Why you’d shake a stick at underwear I’m don’t know… I need sleep.