Japan: Sayonara

My feelings as I boarded my bargain £8 megabus to begin my journey last Tuesday were mixed to say the least. A fairly average 7 months in Hull was finally coming to an end and I was about to start what will hopefully be an exciting 3 months in Japan, on the other hand I was leaving a lot behind – not seeing any of your nearest and dearest for that length of time is a difficult prospect to face and as much as I hate to admit it, I will miss Hull. I instantly felt my decision was right when a chunky girl with bright red hair sat in front of me on the bus reminding me not to make the same mistakes as I did in China - I won’t come home no matter how much Dave Jones begs (not until July at least).

Leaving Hull

Two incredibly expensive pieces of card

I arrived at Kings Cross during rush hour where I battled through the crowds to find Alex and Anna who took me to sunny Watford for the night. We decided to get a curry - a decision which I instantly regretted the night before a long flight. After a £15 breakfast the next morning I boarded my first flight from Gatwick to Dubai. I was seated next to two very talkative Arabic men in those awkward emergency exit seats right at the front where you have to make awkward eye-contact with the stewardess during take-off and landing. What was meant to be a 7-hour flight turned into 8 when we had to circle the airport for an hour.

Dubai International was an experience. It was 33 degrees at midnight and the place is practically a city in its own right. Rather than sample the local grub I opted for a McDonalds. I have no idea how much I paid for it (I didn’t check the exchange rate), but it was a welcome break from airline food.

They wouldn't accept my instant win Bic Mac token...  

The Dubai to Osaka flight was a daunting 10 hours, but I lucked out and got a row of three seats all to myself. I was pretty knackered, so I managed to sleep for most of it (there was what can only be described as extremely violent turbulence as we flew over China which I was unfortunately awake for).

I passed through Japanese customs without a hitch and was relieved to see that my suitcase had made it the full journey (it wasn’t having a mini-break around Beijing airport like last-time). My first priority was obviously to try out the famous Japanese toilets which really are brilliant - they have heated seats and a warm water jet to get to places you wouldn’t want to put your fingers. I think the shock of a warm water enema clouded my judgement though, because I left my passport in the cubicle, thankfully a Japanese guy helped avert a crisis when he chased after me with it.

Kansai International

So I’m here safe, I haven’t been exploring yet, but who needs history and architecture to look at when you’ve got this cheeky chappy staring at you in the living room?

The Beginner's Guide to Insanely Long Journeys

I've been on enough stupidly long journeys in the last few years to last a lifetime. Here are my dos and don't for long-haul travel as I prepare for my latest adventure in Japan.

1. You can have either a cheap flight or a convenient flight, never both.
If you've got money to burn then by all means get a nice, direct lunchtime flight, but if you're a bit strapped for cash like I usually am you should explore all the possibilities. I saved a whopping £100 on my return flight from Bremen to New York because I was willing to set off at 11pm from Bremen to London-Stansted, get two night buses to Heathrow, sleep on the terminal floor while spooning my suitcase, fly 11 hours to Miami and then wait there for 7 hours for a connecting flight to New York - BARGAIN.

2. Don't be that guy.
We've all been there. You're just settling into your seat for a long flight when the idiot in front of you decides he's going to recline and enjoy a nice little nap completely oblivious to the fact that he's just forced your knees up into your chin. You wouldn't want it to happen to you, so don't do it to someone else. Other common airborne faux pas to avoid are; falling asleep in the aisle seat, farting uncontrollably and picking your nose - I sat next to a guy who did all three of these things on a flight from Beijing to Kunming last year, he also spent a solid 20 minutes trying to hoover up his soup while his lips were a good inch away. He's now up there on my list of the world's worst people alongside Adolf Hitler and Bruno Mars.

3. Charge your phone, iPod, camera and kindle.
Plane journeys can be incredibly boring. If you're lucky you might be provided with a selection of the latest mediocre Hollywood blockbusters, if not then it's up to you to entertain yourself. A good book and a decent playlist can easily help kill a few hours as well as giving you an excuse not to talk to the fat American businessman who's dying to tell you his life story. When it comes to creating a travelling playlist I find that the more clichéd the better. I personally recommend the following: Leaving on a Jet Plane (John Denver), Learn to Fly (Foo Fighters), Around the World (Red Hot Chili Peppers), Getaway (Stereophonics) and Holiday (Weezer).

4. Make the most of your layovers.
Any time you're not on a plane is golden. Breathe the non-recycled oxygen, have a look around some shops or pay £10 for a shoddy fry-up in the airport café. Unfortunately a stop in an airport doesn't count as a visit to that city. I've talked to way too many people who claim to have been somewhere only to find out later that they never left the airport - it's like claiming you've slept with Megan Fox because you once brushed past her on the street - you might have been close, but you've never actually been inside.

5. Contemplate what you're actually doing.
Just think about it for a minute. You're travelling above the clouds in an elongated metal tube with wings at 500mph. Yes it's not the most comfortable experience you'll ever have, but it's still amazing. It took Marco Polo three years to get from Venice to Beijing, now you can do it in less than a day. Be thankful you were born in an age where all this is possible, and make the most of it regardless of where you're going.